Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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