I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
