my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
