I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
