there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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