final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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