She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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