he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
