I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
