Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
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