I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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