I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
