There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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