1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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