my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
