new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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