can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
