I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
