If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
