If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
