i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
