I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
