I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
