i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
