I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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