I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
