im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You pole danced in your parka.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Randomize
