does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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