If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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