I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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