Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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