just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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