Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
