Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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