he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
