sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
