I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
