Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
