Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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