Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
