The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
