"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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