Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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