I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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