booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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