Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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