I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
