i jhust puked up my retainher.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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