I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
