I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
